I miss you

It has come to my attention that I've been somewhat remiss in my posting of late. It's not because I have nothing to say, it's not because I don't like you. The most obvious and socially acceptable reason is that I've been utterly swamped. I took a grading project and accepted my post as a stage manager at Folklife before I got a full time, but temporary,job. So, for the last week and the next, I've hardly had time to think about something that wasn't random data that I'm either trying to find and mark a pattern in (full time) or, Gods help me, semi random data in the form of high school book reports that I'm supposed to make suggestions for on how to turn them into coherent statements. Also, one chunk of data at the desk and computer job involved looking at badly spelt searches to see if the user meant this thing, or that other thing. I swear, I'll never be able to spell Philadelphia without spellcheck again.

The other reason is that, oddly, I've found that when things are going well I don't find the need to comment on them as much. Perhaps i don't want to 'break the spell,' perhaps I'm too busy out there being rad that I don't have time to blog about it. This can lead to the possibility that people think I'm bummed out a lot because that's the only thing you read if you're not here in the radness with me.

I shall attempt to correct this in the form of regular blogging, rad or suck. For example, this weekend was my one island of breathing room in a few weeks of hard burn. To coin a phrase, "I confessed a certain something to someone, and although I was quite worried about the process, it turned out pretty darn good in the end."

I'm never quite sure when I'm supposed to be rational and reserved and reasonable and other restrictive words that begin with "r" and when I'm supposed to just take a deep breath and dive in and surrender to the current and let life wash over me. I've tried the "keeping it pretty locked down" track, and that worked out ok, but I'm trying this "you know what, fuck it, Imma jump" thing lately, and it's working out rather well. And by "rather well" I mean "sometimes I'm almost afraid I'll get overwhelmed by the beauty in the world and what I feel so I try to hold on and it gets even scarier...."
OH, I have a great example story for this. OK, so when I try to do all bendy stretchy things in yoga, I've learned that when I try to hold on and moderate the stretch, to keep back a little and use tension in other parts of my body to "moderate" the stretch, that's when things start to cramp up and hurt and get stiff. But the more I can relax, the more I breathe into the part and just surrender to the movement, focusing on lining my bones up and letting softness take over, I get into much deeper places and less cramping and more awesomeness.

And now I must shower and try to convince this migraine to give me just one more week before setting in. I can hold it at bay, but I need to make it to June 1 and then I can rest.